• jennyburrow

Are You Waiting to Feel Confident?

Updated: May 7, 2021

Are you waiting to be confident enough to do the things you really want to do?

I spent quite a lot of time talking to clients and friends about confidence. I often get the sense that people think of confidence as this magical personality trait that we either have or don’t have, and that if we have it then life is somehow a lot easier.

I hear people say:

“She’s so lucky; she’s just got that confidence and so can really go for what she wants.”

“I’ll do that once I’m confident enough.”

“I’m just not a confident person, that’s just how I am.”

But I’m going to call bullsh*t on all that!

Confidence is not an innate personality trait.

Confidence is a feeling. We can feel it one day, and not the next. We can feel it in certain situations, and not feel it in others.

Confidence is also a practice. It’s like a muscle: you need to use it to build it. We often sit around waiting for confidence to be able to take action, but that’s completely the opposite of how it works.

Action increases confidence, not the other way around.

Think of something that used to really scare you, and that you felt you really lacked the confidence to do. But you did it anyway, or you took a small step towards it, and the more times you did it, or the more steps you took, the less scary it was and the more confident you felt!

Internal and external sources can increase our feeling of confidence.

True inner confidence comes from knowing and believing that you are enough and that whatever happens, you can work it out. For me, confidence is recognising that something might feel scary, or I might not know how to do it because I’ve not done it before, but I trust that I can work it out, and I will be alright.

A great habit that helps to build inner confidence is to celebrate your “small successes”. Recognising and celebrating the “small” things we achieve, rather than holding back and waiting until we achieve the “big” or “important” things we want, teaches our brain that we are successful, which increases our sense of confidence and resilience.

But we all have times where our inner confidence is wobbling, and when that thing we want to do just feels too big. That’s when knowing what your external confidence boosters are is really powerful.

Identify the people around you who really boost your confidence. Those friends, colleagues and connections who truly believe in you and will cheerlead you on when your self-belief is wavering. Connect with them and ask for help when you’re struggling.

Identify the activities and tasks that you feel confident in too. Perhaps you feel confident when writing down your ideas, but you’d like to feel more confident sharing those ideas in a meeting. You could try writing some things down before a meeting to boost your feeling of confidence going it there. Or you’re really good at organising and planning; spend an hour doing that before you step up and do the thing you’d like to feel more confident in.

Finally, identify the things you can do that boost your energy and positive feelings; like listening to your favourite song and dancing around the living room, watching an inspiring TED talk, or going for a brisk walk. Doing an activity like this before you tackle something scary can really help.

Perhaps you could try keeping a list somewhere of the people and activities that boost your confidence and positive energy, so that next time you’re feeling low you can grab your list and pick something to give you a boost.

I love working with people to help them to create strategies and take action to build their inner confidence. I believe everyone is capable, resourceful and wonderful, just as they are.

If you’d like to work on building your inner confidence, and have someone in your corner to boost your confidence from the outside when you need it, I can help you with that. You can book a free 30 minute Discovery Call with me here.

And if you haven't downloaded my FREE guide: "Four Secrets to Creating Work You Love!" yet, grab your free copy here!

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